My Heart Will Be Blessed... With the Sound of Music

I sit here listening to the absolutely beautiful voice of Julie Andrews singing in the Sound of Music, and I am marveling at how God made me. No matter how many times I watch this movie (and believe me, it's been a lot), and no matter what mood I'm in when I start it, I always end up just almost bubbling over with joy. Something about this movie speaks so deeply to my heart. I have yet to unpack every  metaphor, or understand exactly why this movie has so profound an effect on me, but I'd like to share just a few of things I've discovered.

Let's start at the very beginning... A very good place to start.

• Something in Maria's heart is wild. It longs for the hills, the adventure, the beauty, the music, and nothing can tame that. Even an abbey full of religiously rigorous nuns. In the beginning of the movie she  freely spins and sings in the glorious solitude of the mountain. And God meets her there with beauty and what I like to think of as the beautiful music God has written for her heart. She "goes to the hills when her heart is lonely" and her heart is "blessed with she sound of music" so she can sing again. God speaks to her heart while she is alone through beauty and music- not just in the religious rituals at the abbey.
• Something in me just wants shout out approval whenever Maria talks back to Captain Von Trapp. She's so stinking feisty! But mainly, she's strong. And she's not afraid to stand up for herself, and for those who can't stand up for themselves. Something in me deeply resonates with these scenes. She stands strong and gains the respect of the Captain.
• Maria, by her very presence, brings life, love, and joy back into a dead house. Personally, I don't think this would be possible without the Holy Spirit working in her and through her. The fruits of the spirit are so evident in her, and people are drawn to her. Jesus radiates through her character.
• Maria loves to sing, even when no one is listening. And by inviting other people into what she loves, and teaching the children how to sing, she brings joy back into a household, and helps begin to restore relationships. How cool is that?!
• When Maria gets afraid of her desires, or unsure about the future, she runs to the abbey. Dang, I can relate to that. I often just want someone to tell me what I need to do. To shrink back into a space of not being fully alive, but being safe behind the "abbey" walls of discipline, structure, or even religion. I empathize with Maria's attempt at self-protection...
• Reverend Mother speaks to Maria "These walls were not meant to shut out problems- you have to face them. You have to live the life you were born to live." and "You have a great capacity to love. What you must figure out is how God wants you to spend that love." So often I put God in a box- that he must want me to walk the "good Christian" path- leading Bible studies, following the rules, telling people about Jesus. And those are good things! But really, the greatest commandment is to Love God with all my heart soul and mind and to love my neighbor as myself. And he can show me how to do that in many ways! I don't have to keep him in a box. And my problems aren't going to go away if I hide behind my nice looking walls..."[I] have to face them!" And God will be gracious in providing for me and in protecting me when I step obediently outside the abbey. 

Anyways, I am just amazed at the ways that God continues to pursue my heart- even through a movie that I've seen a million times. He is so good. And I pray that he pours more of his Spirit into me that I may be inviting and life-giving as Maria is pictured in this movie. 

So for now... So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye

P.S. I'm sorry for all the puns, but as those of you who know me know- I love puns and the Sound of Music

No, but really... Let Go.

For those of you who don't know, I am spending this summer in Pella at my aunt's house with my good friend, Justine Jackovich. After a series of events, I decided to spend my summer here working with an organization called Home Instead that sends Care-takers into elderly people's home for companionship, cleaning, grocery shopping, or various other tasks. I'm also working several nights a week at Central College's dining service place.

My first week in Pella, I was here with only my aunt, because my uncle and cousin were both in China. After a busy year filled with big papers, projects, and hard things that produced lots of inner healing, my first week here was a shock. For the first time in what felt like years, I had time and space to myself. There was no one telling me what to do. No project I "should" be doing. No work scheduled for the first couple days. It was freeing! I spent time painting, reading, taking long walks, praying. I felt God showering his love on me, and after the semester I'd had. I was in desperate need of that downpour.

However, about day 3, my outlook started shifting. I was expecting to work 30-40 hours a week, and was planning on a firm schedule. After a couple e-mails, and a few days I had the realization that that probably was not going to happen... and I began to panic. How in the world was I supposed to take care of myself if I couldn't guarantee that I was going to get hours and make money? I felt extremely irresponsible. And I was at a loss for how to spend my days...

I had cleverly convinced myself that I had released my summer to God. That he was in control, and I was going to allow him to guide the summer. However, in that first week, it became clear that that was just not the case.

I had a couple conversations with my aunt where she wisely spoke, "Maybe God is trying to tell you, 'No, but I meant, REALLY, let go of control."

So one day, I went on a long walk. I told God just what I was feeling, which probably went something like, "God, I know that you want me to release control, and I want to do that too, but... I need to make money. I don't like not having a plan. It's irresponsible of me to not be doing something productive with my time! How in the world do you expect me to BE OK, if I don't know what's going to happen!?"

And then quietly, God said, "Let's look at some of the stories in the Bible, and see what I require of my people."
He led me through the story of Adam, Noah, Moses, and Abraham. Not one of those characters did what to the world would seem responsible. Adam did not provide anything for himself- God provided it for him. Noah spent time that he could have been working to provide for his family, building a boat. Moses left the life of royalty to go out in the desert, and the God called him back to a land and a people who could have had him killed for murder. Abraham up and left Haran, a place he had a life and family, because God made him a promise.

After walking me through those stories, God posed me the question again and then answered it himself. What do I require of my people? Love and Obedience.

If I love God and follow his leading, he will take care of me. He will provide what I need. And the part that I'm still working on is that I may not know how he's going to provide until the moment that it happens. But it will happen.

So this summer, I'm learning to daily give up my agenda for his. I'm learning to pick up just the manna for that day, and not try to store up manna for the whole week.And I'm learning to love God more fully without the promise that he's going to show me what he's going to do.
... It's gunna be fun! ;-)

And I'm sure that before the summer is over, I'll get a few more of those moments where God says, "No, but really... let go."