Topics: Slime, Running, Femininity and the Tree of Life

Hello everyone! I have not written for a while, so I have all kinds of thoughts to share. I broke them down into these categories, so that my thoughts would be a bit more organized...

Slime:

Thursday of this week, Kristopher, Jeff, Emily, Aaron, and I went to Hope Faith and were sent with a crew to clean up trash from under a bridge in the city. We were warned not to pick up any areas that looked like there were people living/sleeping there. This bridge is a popular place for the homeless to sleep. When we got to the bridge, there was trash all over the place- old socks, liquor cans, water bottles, and there was even human excrement sporadically around the cement. We grabbed our gloves and started bagging. We filled two trucks full of trash bags by the end of the couple hours we were there. 

At one point, I watched Jeff and Aaron lift up a mat that was soaked  and dripping with mud, water, urine, and other things and stuff it into a bag. It smelled absolutely terrible on that part of the bridge. Emily and I actually unintentionally gagged because of the smell. 

But the experience was extremely impacting. The day before, we read Zechariah 3, which talks about God taking off Joshua's filthy clothes and giving him new, clean robes, and a priestly turban. This bridge- the smell and slime- were a picture to me of how God views sin. But God does not leave us in that spot, he willingly steps into that area to rescue his Beloved people. And he keeps coming back for us. It's not a one time thing. We choose into his cleaning, his sanctification. 

After being in that area, I wanted nothing more than to smell pleasant things, and to get as far from there as possible. Similarly, I had a renewed desire to live in God's righteousness- away from the stench of sin, so that I may be a pleasing and fragrant offering to my Heavenly Father.

Running

I've tried running before... It has never gone very well. I had never run more than 2 miles in my entire life, and I was constantly pushing myself to run longer and faster. But usually around 1.5 miles, I hit a wall. I finished feeling, sick, tired, and disappointed with myself.

But when this summer started, I didn't have a choice. Part of the internship is a running challenge. We have to be able to run/walk 5 miles by the end of the summer, and have checkpoint challenges every 2 weeks. My first run out, I remembered something Jean had once said: We are always plugged into a power source, and if that power source is not God's Kingdom of Life, there is only one other power source- the Kingdom of Darkness. So I asked God to keep me "plugged in" to his power. And the first run was successful. I even kind of liked it. I was no longer driven by negative thoughts, I was spurred on by the encouragement of the Holy Spirit. 

Yesterday was our 3 mile checkpoint challenge. I ran the whole thing, and for the first time experienced running as a way to worship. It was a constant dialogue with God, a constant humbling. I knew that I did not, in myself, have the strength to run 3 miles. I'd tried. But by the strength, encouragement, and power of the Holy Spirit, I crossed the finished line knowing even more the goodness of God. Praise Jesus! Hallelujah! He Is Good!

Femininity:

I have been learning so much about femininity this summer. Spending most of my days with 8 guys and 2-4 other girls, God seems to be dealing with some of the issues that I can usually avoid. I had hoped that by helping lead the Captivating study, I knew everything I needed to know about femininity. If I could sum up my   personal knowledge that I came out of the Captivating study with into four easy reminders they would be: 1) Don't be controlling. 2). Stop mothering the men around you. 3). Remember that you're beautiful and romanced by God. 4). Bring life and be inviting and at rest. 

See? Easy cheesy, right? Apparently not. By last weekend, I was wanting to control plan, give my advice and control (mother) the guys around me, I did not feel at all beautiful, and was not very inviting or life-giving. I couldn't force myself to get out of that spot. I was very frustrated. And I couldn't get away from the guys! I even began internally blaming them for my mood. This went on all weekend... (to be continued in the following section.)

The Tree of Life:

On Monday, we had our teaching with Jean and Ryan. Ryan talked about Genesis 3- about the distinction between the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. There was SO MUCH to take from that teaching, but one of the main things that God spoke to me was how important it was to seek after God's Life- not right and wrong. I had been striving to be a "good Christian woman." I wanted to do all the right things. Ironically, I longed to bring life to people, without intentionally seeking after God's life first. That is not going to work!

So God continued to speak to me in  prayer time the next day about this theme, and I got a picture of a heart that had flowers growing all over it. As life was springing up in the heart, it was becoming more and more beautiful, and people were draw to it. Ah ha! Beauty and inviting nature does not coming by seeking after inner beauty, or striving to be more inviting- it is a natural by-product of being full of God's life. 

My goodness. I am learning so much. Thank you for reading, and for all of your prayers! 

Here are some prayer requests:

- More revelation and life from God to be given to me and the other interns.

- For the love of God to fill us more, and that that love would be poured out on those we are serving.

- For strength as we prepare for our 4-mile challenge

- For a strengthening of the community we share.

- For God to seal the work he's doing in each of us, so that when we return to Central, we would be vessels of his life in that community.  

Humility, Creativity, and Rest

On Sunday afternoon, four other interns and I began a study on how God uses our creativity to bless us, bless him, and bless those around us. We were all asked to think about areas of creativity that we want to dig deeper into and grow in. We talked about how God meets us in our creativity, and shares his creative mind and abilities with us, so that we can be co-creators in his Kingdom.

Immediately, I wanted my clarinet. Now, I haven't really longed to play my clarinet since high school, but as I started remember the ways I had experienced God (my junior year of high school especially) in music, I began that God must have more planned for me in ensemble music. What other sensible reason is there that I would complete two instrumental conducting classes? So stay tuned... ;-) I think God's got something planned there.

I also realized how much God fills me when I draw, paint, sing, play guitar, or play piano. I love creating with God. I am really excited to see how God grows this passion (and hopefully ability) in me this summer.

Monday we spent the morning at the International House of Prayer, because our service project was canceled. Then we spent the afternoon in teachings on Functional Reality (Hebrew worldview) and the Process of Spiritual Formation. We talked about how being conformed (or sanctified) is a process that is God's job. We talked about how to position ourselves to choose into and receive his work in our lives.

Then, last night, I got a migraine. My migraines have been a bit worse since I've been down in Kansas City. A couple people offered to pray for me, then I took medicine, and laid down. I was hoping that a good night's sleep would help chase away the migraine, but this morning I woke up, and the migraine was actually worse. My dear friend, and roommate, Kari, lovingly told me that I didn't have to go serve at Hope Faith, that I ought to stay home and rest and feel better. But being the stubborn person that I am, I got dressed and tried to force myself to feel better so that I could go serve. That did not turn out very well.

After a few minutes, I ended up back on the bed crying- frustrated, in pain, and feeling like I was a disappointment. I was afraid others would think I was lazy and I felt like God was disappointed that I wasn't trusting him enough to heal me. Again, Kari spoke truth over me and prayed, telling me that maybe God wanted me to rest and allow him to pour into me. I begrudgingly agreed to stay in bed.

I began to realize at that point how much I try to earn God's love. When I couldn't do for God, I thought he was disappointed. After a few more hours of sleep, and hearing wisdom and encouragement from a couple people, I spent the afternoon in prayer... and I wrote a song. (Yay Jesus for working through creativity!)

Here is the song- it is basically a summary of my day today:

Just Be


I'm crying out
From the depths of my soul
Master, what can I do for you?
I am not worthy
I have to do something
Tell me what to do
Then I'll take control.

Chorus


You say, "Just be"
You say, "Just be."
Let me lavish my love on you.
You say, "Just be"
You say, "Just be"
Rest, and I will make you new.
I am your Father
You are my daughter.
Just be.
Just be.
Let me delight in you.

Bridge


When you're tired and when you're weary
That's when you know you're near me.
For in your weaknesses I am strong.


My prayer for you today is that you realize the love God has for you when you are at rest- not because of your accomplishments, or your quiet times, or your worship, or because you did a pretty good job of not sinning today... but because you are a son or daughter of the King of Love.

Prayer Requests:
- Revelation of God's love
- Ceasing of migraines, and that I would be humble enough to rest when I do have them.
- One of the staff is starting a prayer room at Hope Faith tomorrow: for wisdom and discernment for how to pray for the homeless, for God's love to pour through her and us as we are in there with her, and for God to give peace to these men and women.

Just Be

This first full week has been filled with many blessings and numerous learning experiences...

Monday we went to Ryan's house for a day full of teachings. In 6 hours we had learned the history of God from before time to the time of Alexander the Great. After an hour and a half break, we spent 2 hours learning about poverty. 

Here is the most condensed version I can come up with of the first teaching :-) (Please feel free to skip this part, it is more a memory check for me than an explanation of what I learned)

God/Trinity/Perfect love- Creation. God is love. Fall. Flood. Patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob). God is love. Joseph. Egyptian slavery. Moses. Plagues. Exodus. Directions given by God. God is love. Wilderness/ Training. Promised Land. Order for purification of the land. God is love.  God as King. Lead also by judges. Asked for a human king. Saul. David. Solomon. Split of the northern and southern tribes. (Prophets) God is love.  Assyrian destruction of Israel in 722 BC. (Prophets) Babylonian destruction of the Jerusalem temple in 589 BC. Exile to Babylon. Invasion by Persia. Slowly returned to Jerusalem. God is love. Rebuilt temple. Rebuilt the wall around the temple. Time where there were no more prophets. Hellenization. Roman occupation. Maccabean Revolt. God is love.

(If you tuned out... you can re-enter here)

That above history is so important. It is God's story. But for me, I took so much more out of the teaching than facts. We talked about God's character, and how he related to the people in love, in holiness, in faithfulness, by preparing them, and going with them. I so desire to live with a realization that God still relates in those same ways with us. 

After that teaching, we learned about poverty. In the interest of time, I will talk about that in a later blog post. But it was a very eye-opening teaching.

The last few days, I have been focusing on abiding in the presence of God. Whether that be in cutting bell peppers, handing out food, folding/sorting clothing, spending hours at the Prayer Room, running, or having conversations with those around me, I am asking God that he will give me grace to be with Him in every moment. I often get into a mindset of over-analyzing, and trying to figure out the "right" thing to do. But I don't believe that is the calling of God. He wants us to seek him, and he will lead us down the path of LIFE! It is not up to me to figure out the right thing to do all the time. 

It is up to me to come humbly before my loving Father, and just be with him- trusting that he is loving enough to correct me, he is powerful enough to change me, and he is sovereign enough to get me where he wants me without me planning it out in advance. So for now, my prayer is this: 

Father, give me grace, and silence my racing mind so that I can be blessed by just being in your presence. I pray that that would be glorifying to you, and would produce an outpouring of your love on those I am around.  

Prayer Requests:

- That I would be able to stay present where I am and not worry about the future.

- That my eyes and heart would be opened to those I am serving and working with at Hope Faith.

- That I would continue to choose in to abiding in God's presence.

- That I would feel rested and renewed for every day.

- That God would be glorified in my every moment this summer.

Thank you for your prayers :-)