Humility, Creativity, and Rest

On Sunday afternoon, four other interns and I began a study on how God uses our creativity to bless us, bless him, and bless those around us. We were all asked to think about areas of creativity that we want to dig deeper into and grow in. We talked about how God meets us in our creativity, and shares his creative mind and abilities with us, so that we can be co-creators in his Kingdom.

Immediately, I wanted my clarinet. Now, I haven't really longed to play my clarinet since high school, but as I started remember the ways I had experienced God (my junior year of high school especially) in music, I began that God must have more planned for me in ensemble music. What other sensible reason is there that I would complete two instrumental conducting classes? So stay tuned... ;-) I think God's got something planned there.

I also realized how much God fills me when I draw, paint, sing, play guitar, or play piano. I love creating with God. I am really excited to see how God grows this passion (and hopefully ability) in me this summer.

Monday we spent the morning at the International House of Prayer, because our service project was canceled. Then we spent the afternoon in teachings on Functional Reality (Hebrew worldview) and the Process of Spiritual Formation. We talked about how being conformed (or sanctified) is a process that is God's job. We talked about how to position ourselves to choose into and receive his work in our lives.

Then, last night, I got a migraine. My migraines have been a bit worse since I've been down in Kansas City. A couple people offered to pray for me, then I took medicine, and laid down. I was hoping that a good night's sleep would help chase away the migraine, but this morning I woke up, and the migraine was actually worse. My dear friend, and roommate, Kari, lovingly told me that I didn't have to go serve at Hope Faith, that I ought to stay home and rest and feel better. But being the stubborn person that I am, I got dressed and tried to force myself to feel better so that I could go serve. That did not turn out very well.

After a few minutes, I ended up back on the bed crying- frustrated, in pain, and feeling like I was a disappointment. I was afraid others would think I was lazy and I felt like God was disappointed that I wasn't trusting him enough to heal me. Again, Kari spoke truth over me and prayed, telling me that maybe God wanted me to rest and allow him to pour into me. I begrudgingly agreed to stay in bed.

I began to realize at that point how much I try to earn God's love. When I couldn't do for God, I thought he was disappointed. After a few more hours of sleep, and hearing wisdom and encouragement from a couple people, I spent the afternoon in prayer... and I wrote a song. (Yay Jesus for working through creativity!)

Here is the song- it is basically a summary of my day today:

Just Be


I'm crying out
From the depths of my soul
Master, what can I do for you?
I am not worthy
I have to do something
Tell me what to do
Then I'll take control.

Chorus


You say, "Just be"
You say, "Just be."
Let me lavish my love on you.
You say, "Just be"
You say, "Just be"
Rest, and I will make you new.
I am your Father
You are my daughter.
Just be.
Just be.
Let me delight in you.

Bridge


When you're tired and when you're weary
That's when you know you're near me.
For in your weaknesses I am strong.


My prayer for you today is that you realize the love God has for you when you are at rest- not because of your accomplishments, or your quiet times, or your worship, or because you did a pretty good job of not sinning today... but because you are a son or daughter of the King of Love.

Prayer Requests:
- Revelation of God's love
- Ceasing of migraines, and that I would be humble enough to rest when I do have them.
- One of the staff is starting a prayer room at Hope Faith tomorrow: for wisdom and discernment for how to pray for the homeless, for God's love to pour through her and us as we are in there with her, and for God to give peace to these men and women.