Mountain Adventures

The last couple weeks have been quite exciting!

The week of July 17th, we were asked to make a schedule planning out every hour of our week- making sure we included times of running, 12 hours of prayer, and a new spiritual discipline, plus our regular serving and teaching times.  We were even told to plan our exact bedtime and not allow group plans to change what we had planned for ourselves. Once we had everything scheduled in that we needed to, we could leave space open for relaxing and spending time with other people. Jean explained that this an especially important discipline to learn in ministry in order to get things done that you need to get done and to keep you from letting feelings in the moment (fatigue, what others want to do, etc...) get in the way of what we have decided together with God that we need to do.

This was especially helpful in guarding our alone time and our prayer times. I found that with the business of our week, I really needed those scheduled times of prayer.

Finally, our week culminated with a big group packing party at Ryan's house for Colorado. We tried to evenly distribute all the food and equipment we would need for our 4-night stay in the mountains. And then at 5:30 the next morning we all piled into cars and started the journey to Colorado.

Day 1:
We got to our campsite around dinner time and began to pitch our tents. Once that was finished, we met with the staff, who had suspicious looking smiles on their faces. Lance said, "You guys did a great job with the tents, unfortunately you're not going to be sleeping in the tonight." He proceeded to pull out 3 tarps and some rope, and told us that our first challenge was to built a functional place to sleep for the night out of a tarp and some rope. That was quite an adventure. Kari and I finally settled on a tent that was low to the ground that would allow minimal wind and rain to get in. We won the award for "functionality" and spent the night a bit chilly, but protected under our tent. That night was also my first experience going to the bathroom in the woods. I can't say that it was my favorite experience- it made me very thankful for real bathrooms.

Day 2:
The next morning we woke up and ate oatmeal (and instant coffee :-) ) around the fire and then spent about 45 minutes by ourselves re-centering on God. Shortly after that, we left for a day hike. We set out on one of the trails near our campsite and ended up in this beautiful valley surrounded by mountains. We hiked up a small peak and took in the beauty all around us. We hiked back over some fields to a big rock formation and ate lunch there. We then hiked back to the open valley. The staff told us we had the rest of the afternoon to sit with God and read through the book of Matthew looking at the character of Jesus and how we saw him interacting with people. As I was sitting on a rock that looked over the mountains, I noticed something moving a couple hundred feet away. All of the sudden I saw a female moose with 2 baby moose following close behind her. They were walking across the valley. Then, the male moose with HUGE antlers slowly came into view. It was such a cool (and a little bit scary) experience! That night we had our usual flavored rice meal over the fire, Aaron led us in worship with his guitar, and then we moved into the welcoming tents.

Day 3: We got up and ate breakfast and then were sent off on our own for a day of solitude in the mountains. We were asked to read a book called, "Can You Drink This Cup?" by Henri Nouwen and reflect over the chapters. This was by far my favorite day of the trip. I found a cozy little spot next to a waterfall/ creek and spent the morning in reading and praying and singing worship to God. It was absolutely wonderful and beautiful. God spoke a lot to me about embracing the fullness of life that He has for me, and how that may not always be comfortable, but he promises that if I follow Him with abandon He will give me good gifts. I then walked out to the valley we had spent time in the previous day, and I just sat in prayer and worship with God... (plus a few minutes where I stood and sang "The hills are alive with the sound of music...." ;-) ). I went back to camp for supper and played some games with the staff and other interns. And then we all went to bed early to prepare for our big hike the next day! We planned to leave the campsite around 6:15 the next morning.

Day 4:

We drove out early to Mount Audubon. And started hiking around 8:30, and goodness gracious that was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was hard to get used to altitude and lack of oxygen. The mountain was 13,221 feet high. We had to stop every few hundred feet to catch our breath. As we got to about 12,000 feet, I started feeling quite sick. I think I got a touch of altitude sickness. I kept pressing on and asking for strength from God, but a few hundred feet from the peak, I had to stop. David and Lance sat down with me and we waited as the rest of the group climbed to the top and  hiked back down. They reached the peak at about 12:30. The weather was beautiful and there was hardly and wind even at the top part of the mountain. Eventually my stomach settled a bit, the rest of the group returned, and we hiked back down to our car.

I think that day taught me a lot about God. Not very far into the hike, I was completely relying on God for every breath I took and the strength for every step I climbed. Eventually, I had to be vulnerable enough with the community to ask for frequent stops, and eventually had to make the decision not to keep going- reminding myself that God was not disappointed in me. That was really hard, but I was surrounded by the love and acceptance and encouragement of the community around me- reminding me of God's love. We reached the bottom and it started to downpour right as we were getting in the cars. I think God held off the hard rain for us :-)

We returned to camp and all relaxed for awhile, ate dinner, and then were led through a couple of teachings/reading that Jean had sent with Emily. The first was called, "Is Love really all you need?" which was about the verse in 1 John that says, "Perfect love casts out all fear." The article talked about how only God's love is perfect, humans can never give love perfectly, and therefore human relationships often create fear (fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, etc...) The second teaching was about trust and how important it is to exercise perceptive trust in relationships with other humans. We then paired up with another intern and shared our hearts and prayed for one another. I had an awesome conversation with Jeff Hendred and just felt very close to the community around me.

That night around the campfire, we played games, worshiped, and Aaron shared with us a song he wrote (which was AWESOME) and we settled in for our last night of sleeping in our tents.

Day 5: We got up and ate our usual oatmeal breakfast, and then the staff told us to stand in a circle around the fire so we could share encouragements and blessings for all the of the interns for the week. We would take turns for each intern and then tell them ways we had been blessed by them, seen God in them, or were thankful for them. Then the staff prayed a blessing over each of us individually. After that was done we packed up and piled back in to the cars for an 11 hour drive back to Kansas City.

God met me in unexpected ways on this trip. I was very far out of my comfort zone, but yet he protected me and sustained me. The biggest blessing and answer to prayer was that I was MIGRAINE-FREE all week!!! Which, really is miraculous. I got very little sleep, my whole schedule was different. The only explanation is a loving Father God who listened to our prayers and protected me. He is so good!

Now, we are about to start our last week of the internship, and I am expectant that God is not done teaching me things for the summer...

Thanks for praying!

Prayer Requests:
- That we would all be able to catch up on sleep and be able to fully choose into what God has planned for us this coming week.
- That God would seal the work he has already done in us this summer and show us how to walk in the truths we know about Him as we move into a new community environment.
- That we would not stop being thankful for the little ways and the big ways He is constantly providing and protecting and loving us.

P.S. I wrote the first verse and chorus of a song as I looked upon the mountains. I don't have a melody yet, but here are the words...

Verse 1:
Come pursue me
With your inviting presence
Whisper your love in my soul
Just one touch of your hand
Begins the healing within
Your breath upon my heart
Brings warmth to the cold

Chorus:
I see your strength
And I see your life
Your beauty and love
Your wisdom and might
And my greatest dream
Is to forever be seen
As the one who delights your heart.

5-mile Challenge!

Saturday night, the Ascent Interns set out to run our last challenge of the summer. Since it's been so hot (we've had heat warnings in Kansas City the last couple days) our run was moved from Friday afternoon at 2:00 p.m to Saturday night at 9:00 p.m.

The anticipation was building in the room as 2 of the staff set out at 8:40 to finalize our running route. When they returned, we all gathered in the driveway at Ryan's house to hear the details of the run and to pray before we left. And then at 9:10, we started off!

I had barely crossed the second driveway from Ryan's house, when the words to a song started playing over in my head with the beat of my footsteps.

"Your presence is all I am longing for, here in the secret place. Your nearness is all I am longing for, here in the quiet place."

As I kept running the peace of God was thick all around me. We were starting with a 3-mile route that I had run many times and words to songs kept finding their way into my mind. As I hit the 1.5 mile mark, Natalie (one of the volunteer staff) greeted me with a beautiful white flower. I gently grasped it, and turned to start the next leg of my run, as I did, the words from later in that same song from above entered my mind:

"I am my Beloved's and he is mine, so come into your garden and take delight in me. Delight in me. Delight in me."

I started thinking about all the ways I was like the flower I was holding. It had not yet fully bloomed, yet was white and beautiful. I felt like God was telling me that this flower was the way he saw me. I was slowly blooming, slowly opening and awakening to all he has in store for me, and I was beautiful before His eyes. When he looks at me, he delights in me.

And I kept running. Running past the Dollar General, running up Birchwood, nearing Ryan's house again.
- I remembered my first run in Kansas City of the summer. I could barely run that first 1.5 miles.
- I remembered our first challenge. 2 miles. I was exhausted by the end, and was certain I would never be able to run even the 3 mile run two weeks later.
- I remembered the 3 mile challenge. The ways God gave me peace and encouragement as I neared the last mile of the run. I remembered the joy and accomplishment I felt after that run.


And I kept running. After I passed Ryan's house on the way back, I knew the hardest part of the run was coming up. There were a couple of hills coming up, and soon our street lights would be gone. I would be running in the dark, and was soon turning onto a road where I knew there were potholes! Then again, words to a song came into my mind:

"When I am afraid I will trust in you. When I'm overcome I will cling on to the rock that is higher. He's higher. The rock that is higher than I."

And I kept running. I carefully made my way across the road with all the potholes, praying and singing in my head. I ran through a church parking lot and headed down the giant hill (thanking Jesus I wasn't going to have to run back up it later :-) ). As I ran down the hill there were white flat weed flowers lining the sidewalk. My hands hit a couple of them, and felt like the touch of those flowers were God encouraging me.

I started remembering how impossible this run seemed at the beginning of the summer, and I was overcome with praise! I was so joyful! So impressed with the strength and power of God. There was new meaning behind the verse "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" I felt in that moment that God was telling me through this running challenge that he has plans for me that are BIG! That those things may seem impossible right now, but he can accomplish all things!

As I neared the end of the hill, I approached the tree covered road. We ran a stretch of about a mile in the complete dark. There were no lights on the road. I continued pressing into God's promise of protection, and actually enjoyed the sound of secedas all around me, and the beauty of the stars above me. Before I knew it, I saw the stoplights that told me I only had 0.3 miles left. I was amazed! I wasn't even out of breath!

I am newly convinced that God can choose to do anything through anyone. I never would have guessed that I could run 5 miles. It may not seem like that big of a feat to some people, but for me, that might as well have been a marathon. And God was faithful to the end. Hallelujah!

Now... Colorado mountains, here I come. :-)

Prayer Requests:

- Again, migraines. I haven't had any yet this week, but there will be all kinds of new variables in the mountains. Pray for God's protection and my humility to tell people what I need.
- For God to shower us with his love as we near the end of this internship- that we would continue to have open eyes to the ways God wants to speak to us.
- That we would be prepared to stand in awe of God in Colorado and that He would meet each of us in unique and impacting ways.
- That we would be prepared and ready to abide in His presence even when we return home and start this coming school year- that God's love would shine though us to those we come in contact with.

Thank you!

P.S. I wrote a song about this last run...


Running Song

Verse 1
In the stillness of the night
I run to see your face
And in the white moonlight
I see your peace and your radiant grace

Verse 2
Your breath fills up my lungs
Every step draws me closer still
To my Beloved one
And in his strength I will

Chorus
Be a flower, slowly blooming
Captivating the heart of my God.
White and lovely,
Radiating the perfection of His love

Verse 3
In the stillness of the night
Though my heart and feet are slow
You gently kiss my hand
And pull me into the unknown

Verse 4
Your love illuminates
Thought I can't see far ahead
So fix my eyes on you
Help me follow wherever I'm led

Chorus
So I'll be a flower, slowly blooming
Captivating the heart of my God
White and lovely,
Radiating the perfection of His love
Bridge
You are my protection
I am your reflection
So Lord shine your face on me

Intimately Known and Beautifully Designed

The past couple weeks have been... rollercoaster-esque. 

Since the beginning of the summer, I feel like I have have been learning new things multiple times a day, and processing what God is trying to teach me or heal in me with every spare moment. And I was so eager for that at the beginning. It seemed for awhile as if I had a never-ending supply of energy and excitement for processing, consuming information, and pressing in to God. However, a couple of weeks ago, I hit my first wall. I was physically exhausted, tired of processing, and just wanted time alone- not thinking about anything. 

I spent time at Hope Faith, organizing miscellaneous computer parts dating back to the mid-90's, throwing away broken things in a giant cluttered warehouse, and moving things from place to place, and to be honest, I didn't have the best attitude about it. I wanted badly to abide in Jesus, but I felt like I wasn't doing that very well. 

We had some really cool experiences during this time too. The interns had some amazing group times of prayer- during one of which we actually experienced God's healing power in prayer for one of the interns. We had a successful 4-mile run, and an afternoon at the beach on the 4th of July. And though I experienced the real joy of God in those moments, I quickly fell back into physical and emotional fatigue. 

Fortunately, God is full of grace for me. Because this past weekend, I was able to spend time with a wonderful roommate, and some dearly loved friends from high school, and an amazing, hospitable aunt. I was given a bit of space and much needed rest. I re-entered this week feeling more peaceful and joyful, but still felt guilty for my attitude the during previous week. 

As I sat down at the prayer room today, I was greeted by the presence, peace, joy, and grace of my Beloved God. As I asked him for more of his presence, he spoke to me in ways that were unique to me. He reminded me that he knows me inside and out and adores what he sees there. He does not just love me because he has to- he specifically created me so that he could love me. And he doesn't just love the parts of me that I understand, or that are "cleaned up" or even just the parts that are useful. He loves my quirks. He loves my love of old people. He loves my sense of humor. He puts those things in me, and he delights in them! What a good reminder! God's first response to me is love- not correction or disappointment. When he looks at me he sees Jesus, and he sees the perfected version of the daughter he created. He knows me intimately and delights over his design.

I was led to Psalm 139 and spent time meditating on that. I wanted to share some of that meditation time and I pray that it will be a blessing to you as well:

1 "O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me."

• You intimately search me heart, then you place your hand on my heart and pull me forward- towards you. You use my unique heart to pull me to you. You proclaim my heart as good and beautiful and special- for you have every inch of it clean. 

2 "You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away."

• Even when I don't remember your presence, even when I am not abiding in you, you are always away of me. You watch me because you love me. Even when my thoughts are far from you- your loving thoughts are always around me.

5 "You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head."

• You beckon me forward into the unknown with the promise of your goodness to assure me. You follow me from behind so that I am protected, and so that if I get scared and turn to run away, I still end up in your arms. 

7 "I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence."

• Your Spirit, though mysterious, is inside me. It is all around me. It is with me at Hope Faith, at home, at school, with friends, when I am alone- everywhere. Your spirit and your presence never leave me.

13 "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb."

• You formed me exactly as I am. You gave me blonde hair and blue eyes because you know that it would match my heart to bring your beauty. Your breath continues every moment to sustain my heart, my blood, my mind. Your breath makes me able to move. You have watched with delight as I have frown and matured because you delight in how you formed me.

14 "Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous- how well I know it."

• You have made me so complex that I often don't even understand myself! But you created me complex and delight in all of my facts- even the ones I don't understand or seem messy.

16 "Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before one of them had come to pass."

• You know every day of my past, and you know every moment of my future. So I have no need to fear.You will be just as present in the days to come. You will always be faithful and you will always be near.

17 "How precious are your thoughts about me, O God! They cannot be numbered. I can't even count them! They outnumber the grains of sand."

It boggles my mind that the God of the universe would take the time to uniquely create me, and that I am so important to him that he continues to will me to exist. Even now as I breathe in and breathe out, it is only possible because God gave me that breath! As I look forward to the coming weeks, I am no longer overwhelmed by feeling a need to "process" things, or perfectly abide, or feel guilty about the things I'm not doing well...

I just want to spend time with this God that loves me so well- this God who pursues me and is thinking about me in this very moment. And I want to learn to love him more!

Prayer requests:

• That this lesson and peace God has given me would be sealed in my heart, and that I would be reminded of God's presence. 
• For the rest of the interns and me as we are feeling quite tired this week.
• For our upcoming Colorado trip- good weather, no migraines, no injuries, encounters with God, and blessed time in community.
• For our continued work at Hope Faith (and the other intern's work at Kansas City Urban Youth) that we could shine Christ's love in a way that is genuine and inviting. 

Ready... Set... Abide! (John 15:1-17)

This week, I've been helping out with a football camp that one of Ascent's staff organized for 7th and 8th grade boys in the inner city. It was called Faith, Family, Football. My primary purpose was to check the boys in when they got to the field and point them in the direction of the coaches so they could get their helmets and pads. After that, I got the chance to hang out with a boy named Desmond who was injured, but came to the camp every day, and various other boys that were either too old or too young for the camp.

My other role was to abide in Jesus and intercede for the camp. Which, really, was easier said than done. The whole time we were outside it was in the 90's, and we were sitting on the cement with no shade. It was very tempting to check out, to get irritable, or to be lazy. I had to constantly remind myself to ask God for more energy, a good attitude, and love for the kids I was around.

It was amazing to see the ways God was moving through the camp this week. Though we started the week with only 7 boys on the field, over 18 different boys were at the camp over the next few days. Those 7 boys that started on the first day came back every day of the camp. The boys were surrounded by over 10 loving coaches who got to really invest in them with love and encouragement. The atmosphere remained surprisingly positive (besides a few hours of extreme heat and fatigue), and the boys were taught how to encourage each other on the field. The coaches had the chance to speak to kids individually and the gospel was shared. It was an amazing event.

The other interns and I were sent back to the house in the afternoon, and a couple days we just interceded for the camp- asking God to bring more kids, for protection from injury, for specific kids, for the coaches, and whatever else God led us to pray for. We prayed for each other and for the community being formed here. It was an amazing opportunity to join with God's heart in praying for the camp and being able to directly see the fruit of those prayers.

But it was definitely a challenge to abide, and by Friday, I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. We spent Friday afternoon at the International House of Prayer, and I prayed that God would pour into me. I was hit with a lot of lies that I had not done enough during the week- that I should have done things differently, that I should have invested even more into the kids at the camp, that I should have gotten the energy to run more at night to prepare for our next challenge.

As all of these thoughts were running through my head, the worship leaders began singing these words:

"Your banner over me is love. So refresh me and sustain me, for I am lovesick... I cease from my striving. I submit to your  covering. I rest. I rest in you."

And I remembered the character of the God I have given my life to. He is not a slave driver. He does not look at me with disappointment. He does not love me because of what I do, or how well I do things... (My goodness, it seems like I have to re-learn that lesson a lot). As I sat before God, I was reminded that he is a Loving Father. He began to remind me of the ways that he had sustained me and given me good gifts throughout the week. How desperate prayers for energy and more of his presence had been answered, even though I didn't realize it in the moment. (The most prominent of these was that he protected me from migraines  all week even though I was in the heat all day and tired with a changed schedule for the week- that really was a miracle!)

It never ceases to amaze me how much there is to experience in God. He always showers his love, always teaches, always gives us grace, always reveals new aspects of himself to us, and always gently reminds us of things we've had to re-learn a hundred times!


"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." - John 15: 5-8


Prayer Requests:


- The God would continue to keep my migraines away
- For strength for our next run challenge on Monday (July 4th)
- For all of us to continue learning how to abide in God's presence every day.
- That we would live a life where everything we do is submitted in worship of God.
- That we would experience more of the work and goodness of the Holy Spirit. 
- That as we return to our work at Hope Faith this week, we would be given new eyes for the clients and would meet God in new ways.


Thanks for praying :-)

Topics: Slime, Running, Femininity and the Tree of Life

Hello everyone! I have not written for a while, so I have all kinds of thoughts to share. I broke them down into these categories, so that my thoughts would be a bit more organized...

Slime:

Thursday of this week, Kristopher, Jeff, Emily, Aaron, and I went to Hope Faith and were sent with a crew to clean up trash from under a bridge in the city. We were warned not to pick up any areas that looked like there were people living/sleeping there. This bridge is a popular place for the homeless to sleep. When we got to the bridge, there was trash all over the place- old socks, liquor cans, water bottles, and there was even human excrement sporadically around the cement. We grabbed our gloves and started bagging. We filled two trucks full of trash bags by the end of the couple hours we were there. 

At one point, I watched Jeff and Aaron lift up a mat that was soaked  and dripping with mud, water, urine, and other things and stuff it into a bag. It smelled absolutely terrible on that part of the bridge. Emily and I actually unintentionally gagged because of the smell. 

But the experience was extremely impacting. The day before, we read Zechariah 3, which talks about God taking off Joshua's filthy clothes and giving him new, clean robes, and a priestly turban. This bridge- the smell and slime- were a picture to me of how God views sin. But God does not leave us in that spot, he willingly steps into that area to rescue his Beloved people. And he keeps coming back for us. It's not a one time thing. We choose into his cleaning, his sanctification. 

After being in that area, I wanted nothing more than to smell pleasant things, and to get as far from there as possible. Similarly, I had a renewed desire to live in God's righteousness- away from the stench of sin, so that I may be a pleasing and fragrant offering to my Heavenly Father.

Running

I've tried running before... It has never gone very well. I had never run more than 2 miles in my entire life, and I was constantly pushing myself to run longer and faster. But usually around 1.5 miles, I hit a wall. I finished feeling, sick, tired, and disappointed with myself.

But when this summer started, I didn't have a choice. Part of the internship is a running challenge. We have to be able to run/walk 5 miles by the end of the summer, and have checkpoint challenges every 2 weeks. My first run out, I remembered something Jean had once said: We are always plugged into a power source, and if that power source is not God's Kingdom of Life, there is only one other power source- the Kingdom of Darkness. So I asked God to keep me "plugged in" to his power. And the first run was successful. I even kind of liked it. I was no longer driven by negative thoughts, I was spurred on by the encouragement of the Holy Spirit. 

Yesterday was our 3 mile checkpoint challenge. I ran the whole thing, and for the first time experienced running as a way to worship. It was a constant dialogue with God, a constant humbling. I knew that I did not, in myself, have the strength to run 3 miles. I'd tried. But by the strength, encouragement, and power of the Holy Spirit, I crossed the finished line knowing even more the goodness of God. Praise Jesus! Hallelujah! He Is Good!

Femininity:

I have been learning so much about femininity this summer. Spending most of my days with 8 guys and 2-4 other girls, God seems to be dealing with some of the issues that I can usually avoid. I had hoped that by helping lead the Captivating study, I knew everything I needed to know about femininity. If I could sum up my   personal knowledge that I came out of the Captivating study with into four easy reminders they would be: 1) Don't be controlling. 2). Stop mothering the men around you. 3). Remember that you're beautiful and romanced by God. 4). Bring life and be inviting and at rest. 

See? Easy cheesy, right? Apparently not. By last weekend, I was wanting to control plan, give my advice and control (mother) the guys around me, I did not feel at all beautiful, and was not very inviting or life-giving. I couldn't force myself to get out of that spot. I was very frustrated. And I couldn't get away from the guys! I even began internally blaming them for my mood. This went on all weekend... (to be continued in the following section.)

The Tree of Life:

On Monday, we had our teaching with Jean and Ryan. Ryan talked about Genesis 3- about the distinction between the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. There was SO MUCH to take from that teaching, but one of the main things that God spoke to me was how important it was to seek after God's Life- not right and wrong. I had been striving to be a "good Christian woman." I wanted to do all the right things. Ironically, I longed to bring life to people, without intentionally seeking after God's life first. That is not going to work!

So God continued to speak to me in  prayer time the next day about this theme, and I got a picture of a heart that had flowers growing all over it. As life was springing up in the heart, it was becoming more and more beautiful, and people were draw to it. Ah ha! Beauty and inviting nature does not coming by seeking after inner beauty, or striving to be more inviting- it is a natural by-product of being full of God's life. 

My goodness. I am learning so much. Thank you for reading, and for all of your prayers! 

Here are some prayer requests:

- More revelation and life from God to be given to me and the other interns.

- For the love of God to fill us more, and that that love would be poured out on those we are serving.

- For strength as we prepare for our 4-mile challenge

- For a strengthening of the community we share.

- For God to seal the work he's doing in each of us, so that when we return to Central, we would be vessels of his life in that community.  

Humility, Creativity, and Rest

On Sunday afternoon, four other interns and I began a study on how God uses our creativity to bless us, bless him, and bless those around us. We were all asked to think about areas of creativity that we want to dig deeper into and grow in. We talked about how God meets us in our creativity, and shares his creative mind and abilities with us, so that we can be co-creators in his Kingdom.

Immediately, I wanted my clarinet. Now, I haven't really longed to play my clarinet since high school, but as I started remember the ways I had experienced God (my junior year of high school especially) in music, I began that God must have more planned for me in ensemble music. What other sensible reason is there that I would complete two instrumental conducting classes? So stay tuned... ;-) I think God's got something planned there.

I also realized how much God fills me when I draw, paint, sing, play guitar, or play piano. I love creating with God. I am really excited to see how God grows this passion (and hopefully ability) in me this summer.

Monday we spent the morning at the International House of Prayer, because our service project was canceled. Then we spent the afternoon in teachings on Functional Reality (Hebrew worldview) and the Process of Spiritual Formation. We talked about how being conformed (or sanctified) is a process that is God's job. We talked about how to position ourselves to choose into and receive his work in our lives.

Then, last night, I got a migraine. My migraines have been a bit worse since I've been down in Kansas City. A couple people offered to pray for me, then I took medicine, and laid down. I was hoping that a good night's sleep would help chase away the migraine, but this morning I woke up, and the migraine was actually worse. My dear friend, and roommate, Kari, lovingly told me that I didn't have to go serve at Hope Faith, that I ought to stay home and rest and feel better. But being the stubborn person that I am, I got dressed and tried to force myself to feel better so that I could go serve. That did not turn out very well.

After a few minutes, I ended up back on the bed crying- frustrated, in pain, and feeling like I was a disappointment. I was afraid others would think I was lazy and I felt like God was disappointed that I wasn't trusting him enough to heal me. Again, Kari spoke truth over me and prayed, telling me that maybe God wanted me to rest and allow him to pour into me. I begrudgingly agreed to stay in bed.

I began to realize at that point how much I try to earn God's love. When I couldn't do for God, I thought he was disappointed. After a few more hours of sleep, and hearing wisdom and encouragement from a couple people, I spent the afternoon in prayer... and I wrote a song. (Yay Jesus for working through creativity!)

Here is the song- it is basically a summary of my day today:

Just Be


I'm crying out
From the depths of my soul
Master, what can I do for you?
I am not worthy
I have to do something
Tell me what to do
Then I'll take control.

Chorus


You say, "Just be"
You say, "Just be."
Let me lavish my love on you.
You say, "Just be"
You say, "Just be"
Rest, and I will make you new.
I am your Father
You are my daughter.
Just be.
Just be.
Let me delight in you.

Bridge


When you're tired and when you're weary
That's when you know you're near me.
For in your weaknesses I am strong.


My prayer for you today is that you realize the love God has for you when you are at rest- not because of your accomplishments, or your quiet times, or your worship, or because you did a pretty good job of not sinning today... but because you are a son or daughter of the King of Love.

Prayer Requests:
- Revelation of God's love
- Ceasing of migraines, and that I would be humble enough to rest when I do have them.
- One of the staff is starting a prayer room at Hope Faith tomorrow: for wisdom and discernment for how to pray for the homeless, for God's love to pour through her and us as we are in there with her, and for God to give peace to these men and women.

Just Be

This first full week has been filled with many blessings and numerous learning experiences...

Monday we went to Ryan's house for a day full of teachings. In 6 hours we had learned the history of God from before time to the time of Alexander the Great. After an hour and a half break, we spent 2 hours learning about poverty. 

Here is the most condensed version I can come up with of the first teaching :-) (Please feel free to skip this part, it is more a memory check for me than an explanation of what I learned)

God/Trinity/Perfect love- Creation. God is love. Fall. Flood. Patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob). God is love. Joseph. Egyptian slavery. Moses. Plagues. Exodus. Directions given by God. God is love. Wilderness/ Training. Promised Land. Order for purification of the land. God is love.  God as King. Lead also by judges. Asked for a human king. Saul. David. Solomon. Split of the northern and southern tribes. (Prophets) God is love.  Assyrian destruction of Israel in 722 BC. (Prophets) Babylonian destruction of the Jerusalem temple in 589 BC. Exile to Babylon. Invasion by Persia. Slowly returned to Jerusalem. God is love. Rebuilt temple. Rebuilt the wall around the temple. Time where there were no more prophets. Hellenization. Roman occupation. Maccabean Revolt. God is love.

(If you tuned out... you can re-enter here)

That above history is so important. It is God's story. But for me, I took so much more out of the teaching than facts. We talked about God's character, and how he related to the people in love, in holiness, in faithfulness, by preparing them, and going with them. I so desire to live with a realization that God still relates in those same ways with us. 

After that teaching, we learned about poverty. In the interest of time, I will talk about that in a later blog post. But it was a very eye-opening teaching.

The last few days, I have been focusing on abiding in the presence of God. Whether that be in cutting bell peppers, handing out food, folding/sorting clothing, spending hours at the Prayer Room, running, or having conversations with those around me, I am asking God that he will give me grace to be with Him in every moment. I often get into a mindset of over-analyzing, and trying to figure out the "right" thing to do. But I don't believe that is the calling of God. He wants us to seek him, and he will lead us down the path of LIFE! It is not up to me to figure out the right thing to do all the time. 

It is up to me to come humbly before my loving Father, and just be with him- trusting that he is loving enough to correct me, he is powerful enough to change me, and he is sovereign enough to get me where he wants me without me planning it out in advance. So for now, my prayer is this: 

Father, give me grace, and silence my racing mind so that I can be blessed by just being in your presence. I pray that that would be glorifying to you, and would produce an outpouring of your love on those I am around.  

Prayer Requests:

- That I would be able to stay present where I am and not worry about the future.

- That my eyes and heart would be opened to those I am serving and working with at Hope Faith.

- That I would continue to choose in to abiding in God's presence.

- That I would feel rested and renewed for every day.

- That God would be glorified in my every moment this summer.

Thank you for your prayers :-) 

Come Away with Me, my beloved.

After a night of unpacking, filling out paperwork, and getting information about the summer, the other interns and I spent our first night in our summer homes. 

The following day, we arrived early at Ryan's house for a day of silence and solitude. We were given instructions to go anywhere we wanted (within walking distance) and spend the day with God. No Ipods, no talking, no singing. 

It amazes me looking back that for a person who was so excited to spend time alone, quiet, and resting before God, I sure did most of the talking, thinking, and decision making. 

But God is so amazingly faithful, that even in my silent busyness, I encountered him in many ways. I spent the first hour or so thanking him for the beauty around me, for the people in my life, and for his character and patience. I spent the rest of time alternating between journaling, reading my Bible, and reading two articles (Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence and No Greater Love by Mother Theresa). 

I went on a few walks- one of which was particularly noteworthy. My mind was beginning to condemn- beginning to compare myself to the authors of these books, and seeing not an opportunity to love God more, but a mountain I had to work and struggle to climb. So I took a walk. After a while, I found myself in an open field, where I eyed what I thought were just some ugly weeds far from far away, but was drawn to get closer. As I approached these plants, I realized- they were wild daisies. My favorite flower :-) Some people may not be overly impressed by this "coincidence," but this moment almost brought me to tears. The romance of the Lord. He got me flowers :-)

The rest of the day was filled with peace, deeper desire for God, and a pull to return to my first love. I was reminded that we serve because we love God. We live because we love God. We practice spiritual disciplines because we love God. We live before an audience of One, and he is delighted by our glance. 

This morning, I was given the opportunity to serve at Hope Faith for the first time. They are a homeless day shelter that provides meals, clothes, and services for the poor and homeless in Kansas City. I am so excited for the opportunities I will have to get to know the people this summer, and I know that I will be grown in service and I pray that I will grow deeper in love with God through the people at Hope Faith.

Prayer Requests:

- For God to continue to romance my heart and draw me deeper into his presence, that I would be aware of Him at all times.

- That I would live out of love, not out of striving.

- That I would learn to truly value the delight of God over the approval of man.

- That God would increase my desire for service. 

He will never let you down; He will never let you go

For those of you who don't know, these past few weeks have been full of ups and downs...

I completed my sophomore year of college! 

I said good-bye for now to a dear friend and roommate of two years, as she follows God into the next new and exciting phase of her life.

I welcomed home another beloved roommate from her study abroad time in London.

I visited with and eventually said good-bye to my Grandma (Darlene) Eunie. She died to this life Friday morning after a long period spent in Hospice.

Over the weekend, I attended a wedding and my brother's high school graduation, visited a newborn baby, was blessed in conversation with a wonderful mentor and woman, and rejoiced with those around me over the faithfulness and love of God.

Monday night was my grandma's visitation, and this morning was her funeral. I grasped on to the promise of that same faithfulness and love of God through tears, good-byes, and time with family.

Tomorrow morning, I leave for Kansas City. I leave full of hope mixed with anxieties- after a weekend of tears and rejoicing- knowing that God's character is unchanging. That he is present in joy and sorrow. I know the promise that my Beloved, my Father, my Strong Tower and Protector, will never let me down and He will never let me go. I remember those words spoken at my baptism, and other repeated promises.

 "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want."

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."

"Lord, you have searched me and you know me... You know my thoughts even when I am far away."

"I know the plans that I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

God is good. Always. He is present. Always. He hears my prayers. Always. He is faithful. Always. He loves. Always. God is good.

So I leave with this verse in mind- one that was read at my grandma's funeral earlier today. A verse that has been one of my favorites for a long time.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. Finally dear brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things."

Philippians 4:4-8

Take My Heart

Tomorrow I will move out of room 236 and officially complete my second year at Central College.
This semester, I have been blessed in many ways. I grew deeper in relationships with the amazing men and women around me. I was blessed to be able to lead Bible studies, and a book study with my dear roommate, Chelsea. I learned more about God's heart for me, and during that process I was invited to jump off some ledges, trusting that God would catch me, and I would end up in a beautiful new place. God is faithful. And I have grown in Him because of those risks.

I'm not by nature a risk taking person. I probably enjoy being comfortable even more than the average person. I don't like to travel; I didn't to leave my house for a week in the summer even to go to camp into high school. I don't like uncertainty, and I would much prefer the assurance of safety than the possibility of adventure.

But I've learned that God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He doesn't call us to make decisions out of fear. He doesn't want me to analyze things all the time. He wants me to love him, and follow his lead. And he promises he will be with me through every step.

This summer is another step outside of my comfort zone. I have always been a bit scared of big cities, and I've never spent any time in a diverse neighborhood. But every time I have stepped out in faith to uncertainty before, God has blessed me with even more of his strength. So I step into this new journey with expectation that God will do huge things. With expectations that God will cause me to fall deeper in love with him. And with an expectation that He will lavish his love on me as I step into uncertainty.

Take My Heart- by Misty Edwards

"For a long time, I have waited for you.
You have won my heart, and I am following.
For a long time, I've been crying out for you.
Tears make my heart soft, I am ready for the return of the Lover.

Fashioned from the very fabric of God.
At the start of time set free to decide.
I will love you.
You're the one who loved me first.
Just one look from your eye
I'm captivated by the eyes of the Lover.

So take my heart, my mind and strength too.
I was made for loving you.
So I will wait, and I'll be faithful.
I was made for loving you."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHvHPxX_-fw

Blessings!

This blog is a space for me to share with all of you what God is doing in and through me. This summer, I'm going to Kansas City for an internship with Ascent Ministries. I will be working with and building relationships with the urban poor, growing in prayer, and falling more in love with my Heavenly Father. I pray that you will be blessed by these thoughts and stories.

Psalm 139: 1-7

O Lord, you have examined my heart.

and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.

You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.

You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.

You know everything I do. 

You know what I am going to say

even before I say it, Lord.

You go before me and follow me.

You place your hand of blessings on my head.

Such knowledge is to wonderful for me,

too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!

I can never get away from your presence.